A Very Brockton Christmas
by ack1308
Summary: Very silly. Not to be taken seriously. A parody of "A Night Before Christmas".


**A Very Brockton Christmas**

* * *

Part the First

* * *

 _'Twas the night before Christmas_

 _And throughout Brockton Bay,_

 _The villains were awaiting_

 _Saint Nick and his sleigh._

* * *

 _Bakuda was Tinkering late in her lair,_

 _While visions of explosions danced in her head._

 _Lung drew his plans, slowly but sure,_

 _To see the jolly fat man captured or dead._

* * *

 _At a meeting that was called of the Empire Eighty-Eight,_

 _Kaiser made a sword, the steel shining bright._

" _He's eluded us before, this fat man in red,_

 _But he'll be in our hands by the end of the night."_

* * *

 _The Merchants had plans to capture him as well,_

 _And force him to give them the best drugs to be found._

 _But Skidmark got wasted and Squealer forgot,_

 _So they were asleep when the time came around._

* * *

 _Uber and L33t wanted to capture him too,_

 _So the Tinker began working on a cold-ray device._

 _It exploded of course, as they often did,_

 _So Uber was left to chip him out of the ice._

* * *

Part the Second

* * *

 _As Santa loaded the sled high with his gifts,_

 _Mrs Claus came out with a frown on her face._

" _I wish you wouldn't go out to Brockton Bay,_

 _No good ever came of that horrible place."_

* * *

 _He took her in his arms and kissed her so sweet,_

 _And in a deep loving voice the fat man did say,_

" _My presents are given all over the world,_

 _So I have to go everywhere – yes, even the Bay."_

* * *

" _I thought you'd say that," she said with a sigh,_

" _But while you are gone, I won't be able to rest."_

 _So saying, she dug in a bag at her feet,_

 _And gave him a helmet, and a thick Kevlar vest._

* * *

 _His belly jiggled as he let out a laugh._

" _I'll be careful, my love, to come back to you."_

 _And he gathered her in, to kiss her once more._

 _Then he pulled on the helmet and the vest went on too._

* * *

 _On to the sleigh he sprang with a shout._

" _On Rudolph! On Dasher! On Donner, away!"_

 _The sleigh gave a jerk then off it did fly,_

 _While Mrs Claus watched as it went on its way._

* * *

Part the Third

* * *

 _They came into Brockton flying nap of the earth,_

 _Rudolph had his nose tuned to infra-red light._

" _On Blitzen, on Vixen, on Dancer, hooray!"_

 _He whispered, as the stealth sleigh flew through the night._

* * *

 _Side-mounted launchers fired off the gifts,_

 _Homing nose-cones guiding them to land._

 _To each and every house they flew without fail;_

 _You didn't really think he delivered them by hand?_

* * *

 _But the villains were waiting, to the right and the left,_

 _They arose with a roar, to capture his sleigh._

 _He pulled on the lever to double the output,_

 _Every present would be delivered, if he had his way._

* * *

 _As the presents flew away, he grabbed at the reins,_

 _Gave them a twitch, to give him some pace._

 _As Lung swooped in to grab at Saint Nick,_

 _He swivelled a launcher, and gave him coal in the face._

* * *

 _Kaiser was next, with a barricade of blades;_

 _Santa rolled the sleigh, and scraped through with a sigh._

 _Rune sent a dumpster, two cars and a van;_

 _He evaded them all with a loop through the sky._

* * *

 _The launchers were still throwing presents galore;_

 _Plus coal for the villains (he had more than a ton)._

 _He dived down again to taunt them anew,_

 _His laughter boomed out – this was quite fun!_

* * *

 _Lung dived again, his fire blazing hot,_

 _So Santa gave him snow from the northernmost Pole._

 _It streamed from the launcher, his hands growing chill_

 _Until Lung fell away, fleeing the cold._

* * *

 _Again and again he evaded the foe,_

 _Till the last of the gifts had gone with a 'chuff'._

" _Come let's away, we've more presents to share."_

 _Of the coal-covered villains, "I think they've had enough."_

* * *

 _And the last that the villains saw of Saint Nick,_

 _Was his happy round face, full of good cheer._

" _Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night,_

 _And I'll see all you rogues again in a year!"_

* * *

End


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